you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
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