Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
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