i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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