i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Randomize
