You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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