when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
be right there i have to get my cape
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Randomize
