I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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