Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Randomize
