Im at strip club and am horny
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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