i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Barsexuality is the new black.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
