I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Randomize
