guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Randomize
