I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
