This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
