Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
