No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
pop tarts are not kleenex
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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