Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
