Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
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