do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
