just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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