Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
