i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Randomize
