i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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