I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
that's an acceptable place to lick
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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