ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
