I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
