people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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