Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Randomize
