You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Randomize
