someone owes me an orgasm
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
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