Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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