I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Randomize
