i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
