I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
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