Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
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