rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
