dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
