You just made me feel so damn special
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
