I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
