I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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