it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize