Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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