Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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