There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
