You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
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