OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Randomize
