Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
