Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
