thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Everything about him screamed your future.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
