Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
