I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
