i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Randomize
