Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
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